For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men by Shaunti Feldhahn

Author:Shaunti Feldhahn [Feldhahn, Shaunti]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781601422101
Publisher: The Doubleday Religious Publishing Group
Published: 2008-08-18T21:00:00+00:00

We’ve been married for a long time. I deeply regret and resent the lack of intimacy of nearly any kind for the duration of our marriage. I feel rejected, ineligible, insignificant, lonely, isolated, and abandoned as a result. Not having the interaction I anticipated prior to marriage is like a treasure lost and irretrievable. It causes deep resentment and hurt within me. This in turn fosters anger and feelings of alienation.

HOW CAN WE OVERCOME THE “SEX GAP”?

I can’t tell you how often I heard a man’s not-at-all-veiled appeal for his wife to not only desire him, but to do something about it. Although every intimate relationship has its own story, here are a few ways to begin:

Choose to love him in the way he needs

Okay, if you’re like me, you’ve probably been viewing his sexual need as mostly physical—important, yes, but probably also optional. By comparison, when you’ve been tugged on by little hands all day, your need for sleep can seem both important and immediately necessary. And, yes, if you view sex as a purely physical need, it might indeed seem comparable to sleep. But once you realize that your man is actually saying, “This is essential to my feeling of being loved and desired by you, and is critical to counteract my stress, my fears, and my loneliness,” well…that suddenly puts it in a different category. So how might you respond?

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